Happy Early Saturday!
And by "early" I mean 12:00am, so I'm basically starting off my day with writing. I hope everyone treated yourself recently. People might think that it's an excuse to spend money; I heartily disagree for a couple of reasons. For one, it doesn't always mean you have to spend money. Someone could be treating themselves by going a on bike ride on a nice day or sitting back and watching a DVD with a friend. For two, we all put up with a lot whether it's in friendships, classes, work, and excreta and it's a way to say, "Hey, I didn't hit anyone" or "Hey, I had a rough day and deserve something for making it through and surviving".
I proudly treated myself to (spontaneous!) 4 Queens run with Courtney and a mocha courtesy of Marcia. And I know I deserve it because I did my best with 2 tests on Thursday and 1 yesterday and those tests all being in my hardest classes. Those tests are partially to blame for this "a little bit" late post. My apologies, readers!
Here's a link to my latest Odyssey article: 5 Hard Life Truths We Need To Be Reminded Of.
Choices. We face these everyday. Should I go class? Should I go out on Thirsty Thursday even though I have a test in the morning? Should I tell her what I heard about her today?
Those choices aren't necessarily life or death situations. What if you knew your best friend's boyfriend was cheating on her? Should you tell her? Or not? Thinking objectively or logically here isn't going to help you decide. Your choices: the option to tell her, the option to wait to see if the boyfriend will say something, or the option to wait and your best friend finds out on her own. Now, she may never know that you knew or she might find out that you knew and didn't tell her. These are all choices.
With choices, there are always reasons why we make that specific choice, whether we know it, don't know it, or know it and afraid to admit it. The point being is there's a why behind your choices. If you ask any high school senior planning on attending college, they could probably tell you where they're going and why, for what reasons. Maybe it's cheaper or maybe they offered an amazing scholarship or maybe they have a specific major.
People are asked the dreaded question: why. "Why did you not tell me that my boyfriend was cheating if you knew? Why? You're supposed to be my friend!" A typical response is "I didn't have any other choice". There's something wrong with that. It's a lie.
"I didn't have any other choice" is a lie. We always have a choice. Choosing not to tell her about her boyfriend's unfaithfulness to her, when your other choice was to tell her, even though you know it will hurt her and she might be angry at you (but she really isn't; it just seems that way). We all have choices; it's just at the time, we didn't have any good choices or couldn't see any other choices.
She isn't wrong. It's easier to accept when you tell yourself "Well, I didn't have a choice" and that makes it okay. That't an easy way to justify your actions and choices. But if you do that, you should remember something. That reflects on you and the kind of person you are. Actions, specifically our choice to do something or not do anything, speak louder than any words can.
Do I realize that sometimes you are caught between a rock and hard place? Yes, I do, but that shouldn't used as a way to excuse your actions. In that situation, you have to make the best choice with what you have to work with. Will it be the right one? I can't tell you the "one size fits all" answer. Because this world isn't black and white, despite how much easier that would make life. Accepting that choice after its made is just as hard as making it. Accepting that with the given circumstances, you made the best choice possible.
Consequences of our choices almost always come back to bite us. There will be some consequences that we realize are possible, but there will be unexpected ones, as well. Your best friend being angry with you after telling her about her boyfriend's unfaithfulness? It's unexpected. Your intentions aren't to hurt her or to be a tattletale on her boyfriend. You believe she shouldn't be treated like this; you believe that she deserves more than a guy who cheats on her; you believe she has the right to know. Those things are what you will need to tell yourself if she is angry with you. Understand that even you are trying to look out for someone, trying to do something good for them, there's a chance it will backfire on you in some way. But you shouldn't let that stop you from making that choice.
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Saturday!
I hope everyone has been well since I've posted last. Yes, I realize today's Saturday and I missed my usual Friday post. With three tests (in my hard classes, no less) this week, and two of them being on the same day, and a paper due, I prioritized creating flashcards and getting the paper done over my blogpost.
But after all my tests and general craziness, my sister will be coming to see me next Saturday! I will be holding onto that to get me through this week.
Society and other (older) generations began associating the word ‘stress’ to ‘college students’; it is almost as if they are bound together, or the cliché “you cannot have one without the other”. With almost two years experience, I know it to be true. Trying to balance classes, homework, work, clubs/organizations, studying, social life, and family time is (and continues to be) something I struggle with. Sometimes I say that I think I have a good balance, and then something random happens and suddenly I question myself if I really ever had a balance. While watching this documentary titled "Stress: Portrait of a Killer", it enlightened me in ways I had not thought about before and opened my eyes to what might be happening to my body and those close to me without me realizing it.
Probably my first exposure to stress comes from watching my sister and her struggles. When I was about eight or nine, my sister was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. Of course, at the time, I did not understand what that meant, but as I grew up, I slowly began to understand what it was and how it affected her. It did not affect her body really until she went to college. Instead of gaining the “freshman fifteen,” she lost it and then some. In comparison to my college experience, it was quite similar. While my body does not respond to stress by losing weight, there have been many times when I felt like I faced so much stress in just about every aspect in my life and this still happens to me currently. My heartbeat quickens, thoughts are racing, hands are shaking, and sometimes my hands tremble. What I did not realize is how stress affects my body internally, because I only paid attention to what I could see on the outside. Realizing this gives me more motivation to find ways to ease my stress, which could hopefully in turn help me with controlling my anxiety and OCD. Knowing what I do it is opening my eyes to seeing it in others.
I have first-hand experience when it comes to seeing how stress affects others in low positions. When the documentary stated that low submissive positions are usually the most stressed group, I remember nodding at this part. My parents never had the opportunity to go to college, and both my parents worked multiple jobs to be able to provide for my siblings and I. As a little girl, I have a familiar image of my mom hunched over the table with receipts and bills scattered around her, trying to figure out a way to make ends meet money-wise. Now, I’m the same way: always stressing about having enough money to pay my bills.
Stress is the silent killer. We, as a society, have a tendency to overlook or ignore our mental health and its need to be taken care of. Why? A couple of likely reasons are that we cannot see it like we can see a broken leg needs a cast and we do not know how to best treat our mental health when it breaks. But ignoring it will come back to bite us in the end. We strike a balance between the good and bad stress and how to decompress when we are stressed to the point of feeling like we are suffocating.
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Friday!
That's what I'm doing right now. I would be more energetic, but I'm super exhausted at the moment with putting in extra hours at work, classes, and homework. If you haven't treated yourself today, this is your sign to go do it. You survived the week, and that's a feat in and of itself.
A little update of my life: it's getting better. I do have my sucky moments, but I'm slowly re-noticing the little moments again and cherishing those. Shout to someone who's been my rock with all the drama going on in my life: Courtney Post. Thank you for being such a great friend, amazing listener, and being patient with my antics and quirks. Love you, girl!
My latest Odyssey article link: 20 Times "Parks and Recreation" Perfectly Describes College Students.
Sometimes we lie to ourselves and we believe (most of) them. In most of the time, we don't realize we are. The sources of these lies are learned from family, friends, but the biggest culprit is society and the kind of world we live in. Am I saying to blame your friends and family? No, because they are likely doing it unintentionally and passing on what they've learned.
You have to this fabulous and flashy lifestyle.
No you don't. You are who you are, and you don't want that then awesome. Don't get me wrong, because for some they are content with this lifestyle. For others? Not so much. It's about you want and what makes you feel safe and comfortable and happy. If you are content with staying in and watching movies rather than going out to the bars, then you do you.
You have to look a certain way in order to be beautiful.
I can't even begin to explain how wrong this is. We typically learn this one from society and from idolizing celebrities and how they look. The expectations we have for they way men "should" look like is washboard abs, big biceps, strong jaw, etc. The expectations we have for how women "should" look like is flat tummy, big lips, curvy but not too curvy, etc. "Fuck you, society and anyone who tells me that I'm not beautiful. You don't get to tell us what is beautiful and what isn't."
You aren't enough.
WRONG. Dead wrong. Leave it to Maya Angelou to hit the nail on the head. This lie we learn from society. You make mistakes. You have regrets. You are not perfect. We all have darkness in us, but we also have light inside. Let light the shine through. If you have to prove anything to anyone, it should be to prove you are enough to yourself. We all have something that someone else needs. For someone you are not enough, but for someone else you, and just who are, are just want they need most.
P.S. Pay close attention to the "Thought of the day".
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Sunday!
AND
Hoppy Easter!
Happy Easter, my readers! Did you catch the cheesy pun? Because I have been saying that to everyone today. People are probably getting tired of, but I don't care because I love puns too much. I hope everyone is enjoying this day regardless if you are religious or not. The weather isn't that great today (cold and chilly), but it's better than snow.
I realize the last couple of weeks, including this one, have been late. Friday: I registered for fall classes (adulting=success) and humanities test (ehhh). Saturday: worked and went home. Sunday: working, but I have time to write a post. And I want to apologize for this. My life has been hard and stressful the last couple of weeks. It has been crazy, but I'm going to try harder to get the posts out on time. Thank you for your patience with me!
Here's the link to my latest Odyssey article: An Open Letter To My Sister Graduating College.
I wanted to do something a little differently with this post and see how it goes. Recently, I read an article from a fellow Odyssey writer at UNI. It is titled It's OK To Walk Away. The article is spot on, and even brings up some points I hadn't even thought of. It got me thinking how some people are meant to come into your life, teach you a thing or two, but maybe are not necessarily meant to stay. Now, I am a firm believer in "keep trying and keep putting effort in", particularly specific to marriage; something I've learned from observing my grandparents, parents, and other couples. I guess I've overlooked the life fact that sometimes our best isn't good enough. We can try and try and keep trying but it's simply not enough. There comes a point when we need to ask ourselves a serious question: "Is it time to walk away?"And answer it honestly. This is where the article is amazing and insightful.
In Marketing, I learned about the Consumer Buying Process; the first step is problem recognition or when there is a difference between desired and actual states. It's the same in life. We realize there is something wrong. Just like consumers look for a product, we look for ways to try to make it right. Sometimes there are not products to help the desired state, and sometimes we reach the point to where we've tried and tried but nothing's changing and need to move on.
There's a stigma that comes with the decision to walk away. It's means you've failed or you weren't enough. THESE ARE FALSE. That is our brain deceiving us. Failing? No. We tried, therefore we didn't fail to do anything, to not try anything. Not enough? No, you are enough, but the other person's changed and you have no control over that.
This next part is an (short) open letter to everyone who's realized they needed to walk away from a situation or person.
Dear people who didn't stay my life,
It hurt to walk away from you or you walked away. It hurt to shut the door. It hurt to know that I lost someone who, maybe at one point, was an important person in my life, and with whom there are amazing and wonderful memories and experiences that I don't regret.
I don't wish you harm or terrible things. In fact, I wish you well. My decision to walk away didn't have to do with anger. While I don't have to explain it to you, my decision to walk away had to do with me realizing that what I deserve and the current situation wasn't it or couldn't give me it.
Your chapter in my life story is over and my chapter in your life story is over. We can go our separate ways for the better. Because we both shouldn't settle for anything less short of being happy.
Sincerely,
Me
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Saturday!
Readers! I realize this post is a day late. I'll get to why that it is in a little bit. Hopefully you all had a good week, or if you had a bad one, I hope you could find something good in each day. Someone (the name escapes me, as I write this) once said, "Every day might not be good, but there's good in every day." Probably messed that up, but you get what I mean.
Okay. Why this post is a day late: it is spring break for me; I worked 33 hours this week which is more than I usually work in a week; I went to go see my sister and her boyfriend after I got off work yesterday. On Facebook, I see people posting pictures of spending their break down in the southern states or out of the country. Truly I am happy for them because if that's how they want to spend their break, then go them! I, on the other hand, started my break by spending time with family (and four-wheeling!) and playing Cribbage with my parents and grandma, then coming back to school to work because the car repairs can't be paid with smiles (although I wish it could; that would be so easy!), and I topped off my break by spending the night in with my sister and her boyfriend. Was it perfect? Maybe not, but it was ideal for me.
My most recent Odyssey article link: Not Everyone Grew Up the Way You Did.
My mentor, Ma (Marcia) Powell, has been and continues to be a blessing in my life. She's taught me a lot and helped me understand my anxiety and OCD-like tendencies, which in turn aided my thinking and how it needs to change and adapt to overcome those struggles. She's my rock when I'm in all-out freaking out mode and I need to be calmed down. One of the important things she's taught me: take mental health days, when you need them, not when you can find the time in your busy schedule.
You might be asking, "what in the world are 'mental health days'??" Please remember that my definition is different from someone else's. To me, they are the days we take for ourselves when we are so overwhelmed and exhausted or feel as if we are running on auto-pilot, and we need a day (or two) to recharge our brains and to give our mental health a chance to catch up.
Here's another way to look at it. Say you fall and break your leg; what do you do? Common sense tells you to go to the doctor for a cast and so you do. There, your leg can heal. But what do you do when your mental health needs a little T.L.C. (tender, loving care)? Mental health can mean a variety of things: whether you feel like yourself or not, or suddenly you feel so weighed down that you feel like you can't breathe. A doctor can't wrap your head and it would be better. Sure, if it works, you can go see a therapist or counselor to help you decompress ('decompose'...Rachel and Cody should appreciate that) and sort yourself out.
How we spend those days are important and unique to you and your particular needs, but what's just as important is knowing when you need to take one and understanding and being okay that it usually never fits perfectly into your schedule. Sometimes we need to get away and escape and recharge. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health is. We, as a society, have a tendency to overlook or ignore our mental health and its need to be taken care of. Why? A couple of likely reasons are that we can't see it like we can see a broken leg needs a cast and we don't know how to best treat our mental health when it's broke.
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Friday!
and Spring BREAKKKK for me!
Hello, dear readers! I hope you had a good week and fantastic Friday. If you didn't, well, I'm sorry to hear about that. Either way, you deserve to treat yourself. My week started off a little rough, but once I got my Marketing exam done, it got better and better. My co-workers thought I was on a sugar high when really I was just happy and in good mood which I haven't quite been lately.
IT'S SPRING BREAK!!! Yes, it is an amazing feeling. It will be nice (and already is) to be home for a couple of days. I'm not a partier; in fact, I will be coming back to Cedar Falls to work next week. Plus, I have readings and studying to do for Humanities because I have a test the Wednesday after Spring Break. Not having class for a week will be nice, to have a little bit of quality time with myself is much needed.
My latest Odyssey article link: What I've Learned From Ballroom Dancing.
Before I begin my topic of choice, there are a couple things I need to say first. For one, I wanted to thank the support of my close family (/relatives) and friends for reading these posts and giving me feedback. I don't expect people to read it as soon as post them or I don't expect people to read every single one. With that started, this brings me to my second (and final) point: this is my blog. This is where I write whatever happened to be on my mind. It is never my intention to call anyone out or single anybody out, and neither it is my intention to hurt anybody with what I say. Those who know me well enough know that I write (or try to, because I'm not always perfect) about something happening in my life and connecting it to society.
I am struggling between a couple of topics for this post. And I believe I can connect them in a way that makes sense. For those who don't already know, I love reading stories and FanFiction online, listening to music, and being way too involved in my TV shows: Arrow, The Flash, The 100, Suits, and Criminal Minds. These are my escapes. This is where I allow myself to let go and lose myself in the stories, the music, and the TV shows. Contrary to some of the popular beliefs that today's music, literature, and TV shows are mindless and don't teach you anything, I believe there shows, songs, and books out there that aim to teach you something. I'm not naive enough to believe they are trying to make money off us or trying to write for ratings. I know that plays a part; how big that part is exactly is a discussion for another time.
Reality is terrible. Reality has Donald Trump running for president and actually having supporters who believe he wants to "make America great again". Reality has the lives of African Americans still being discriminated against in violent ways. Reality has the wage gap between men and women. Reality has millions of college students up to their eyeballs in deep debt because tuition is skyrocketing. Reality has men and women being subjected to sexual assaults and some of society naively blaming the victim. Reality has award shows, The Oscars, for example, unfairly lacking diversity in the nominees. Reality has members of the middle class gradually sinking into the lower class. Reality has many people still believing that climate change is a hoax or joke. Reality is terrible.
Can you really blame anybody for wanting to escape reality? For wanting a chunk of time when they can ignore all the problems, all the terrible things in the world done by terrible people? It's why we want to go on vacations, to get away from life for a while. But we can't let ourselves focus on all the terrible aspects of reality. There are good aspects of humanity and further more reality. I try to focus on the little things that prove my faith in humanity and my version of reality gets a little better. Does that make me blind or naive to all the terrible things or people of the world? Maybe. Maybe not. I would like to see a world where people try to pass a random act of kindness however they can.
Until next week,
Thought of the day
Happy Friday!
If your week was anything like mine, you most definitely deserve to treat yourself, because, in general, my week was pretty crappy with 3 tests, 1 paper, and 1 group dance project and being awoken at 5:15am for a fire alarm on Wednesday morning. You know what? I got ice cream; it wasn't 4 Queens level of ice cream, but it was a treat nonetheless. So. The point is: treat yourself.
Next week at this time, I will be at home, enjoying the presence of my kitty and my family and away from classes, work, campus, and generally all adult responsibilities that comes with being a college student. No, I won't be spending my Spring Break in partying Florida for two reasons: one, I'm a broke, and two, I'm not a big fan of crowds/partying. Hence why I will be working for most of the break. I'm a real dare-devil.
My latest Odyssey article link: 15 Things Only Fangirls Get.
In the last couple of weeks, I have come to a realization about college. Sure, classes and dealing with some professors and even co-workers (not mine, of course, I have awesome co-workers) can be difficult, generating feelings of frustration or anger. Although, I believe there's something that's even more challenging than those things. Actually it's probably most likely the overlaying cause or theme in a couple of those things.
Not everyone was raised the way you were.
You might be sarcastically thinking, "No, really, Melissa." It's true, though. It's also easy to think that when it's not happening to you. (Like most things in life.)
If you're a frequent reader of this blog of mine, you know how much I love and appreciate my family. I'm so very blessed with a family such as mine. My parents, who didn't have the easiest childhood, know the value of hard work, spending money practically, honesty, a good work ethic, being courteous and kind to others, and many other admirable traits and characteristics. Just like the good parents they are, they wanted to make sure my siblings and I learned and realized how important it is to have those traits and others. (And I'd like to think they succeeded.) How my parents taught us those traits wasn't always a walk in the park; in fact, they were, and continue to be, hard lessons learned. Many times, I couldn't always realize or see what they were trying to teach me. All they've taught me is one of the many things I'm thankful for and something I'll never regret the experiences and hope to pass onto kids of my own someday (in the very distant future).
But not everyone experienced all that I have and I haven't experienced all that everyone has. It can be a hard truth to swallow. Not everyone I help at the library is as courteous as I was raised to be, and I grin and bear it. Not everyone was raised to be kind and do something nice for a stranger, especially when it might slightly inconvenience you. Not everyone was taught to respect co-workers and supervisors and do as you're instructed. Not everyone was raised to not recklessly spend money as soon as they get paid and learn how to save it in case of a rainy day. Maybe most importantly, not everyone was raised to think of others and their feelings before yourself.
Everyone is different, yes. Everyone experienced life a little differently, yes. Is it frustrating when you wonder why someone doesn't know that a harsh truth is better than any sugar-coated lie? Is it hard when you wonder why someone doesn't know that actions speak louder than words; that apologies require a change? Yes. Hell yes, it is. This happens with roommates, best friends, friends, co-workers, and anyone else you come into contact with on any given day. What's probably even harder is accepting and understanding differences in values, opinions, and etc. The good thing is, though, this a life-long process.
Until next week,
Thought of the day
