Marriage isn't scary when you have a great partner in crime

Happy Jump for Jelly Beans Day!

Well, it was this or Happy National Chili Dog Day... :)

First, take a deep breath. Not only have you have made it through another work, but also you made it through the month of July. 

Pause for a little pleasure. Like dancing or eating your guilty pleasure (come on, everyone has one) or maybe just relaxing in the A/C.

A quick update with my life before I get to today's topic. The countdown until school starts tomorrow (Aug. 1st) which means I need to get my textbooks. This summer feels as if it has flown by and took forever at the same time. Weird feeling. 

Anyway, the changes in my life. I have officially changed my major to Interactive Digital Studies. This is a relatively new major at UNI. Changing my major was a huge decision for me. It started in the early weeks of my freshman year. I was fortunate in that I had wonderful people who helped me through this change. The reason why I waited almost a year to make it official is because I wanted to see if I still felt that Graphic Design just wasn't my mug of coffee (I love coffee...just not straight black coffee) by the end of the school year. 

And I did feel that way. Maybe this change will give me a chance to see where my talent lies. Or maybe this will not be as great as I had hoped. Either way, I felt the change was necessary for me to grow.

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In honor of my parents' 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday, I would like to talk about the word that gets thrown around too often. The word, I believe, is used too often taken lightly. This eight-letter word has the power to make some men and women run the other direction. 

Marriage

Yes, marriage. A quick statistic: in America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds (as found on this link). Shocking. In the time I figured out what I wanted to type next, there have been roughly two divorces. 

To me, that doesn't seem likely. Why? Almost all of the marriages I have witnessed or been told about are still intact. My parents, both sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles with their respective significant others, cousins with their respective marriage partners. Of the family friends' marriages I witnessed, I believe they are still together. That's only to name a few. 

The definition of marriage is, as found in the Oxford Dictionary, "the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship." 

People forget that once you're married, it doesn't mean the aspects of a relationship are the same. If anything, the aspects of your relationship are intensified. The bond between you and your partner should be stronger. The love between you and your partner should be greater. 

When asked the question, "What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?" Zelmyra and Herbert Fisher, a couple who were married for over 86 years(!), gave the answer "with each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure...There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other and our family."

Marriage advice from Ann and John Betar: "Marriage isn't a lovey-dovey thing, y'know, for 80 years," Ann says. "You learn to accept one another's way of life. Devote your time to understanding one another."

That's what seems to be happening these days. When life gets a rough or broken, people walk away or "throw the marriage" away. Young adults, teens, and children growing up now are learning that side of marriage. Maybe that's why people don't want to get married. Because if that's what being married means, they don't want any part of it. Another reason is people don't believe in what it means to be married anymore. Or it seems as if marriage is becoming like most everything is these days: a race or competition.

But, Melissa, sometimes marriages don't work. 

Yes, that's true. Sometimes two people are just not compatible. Sometimes two people take the initiative to admit there is something wrong and go to marriage counseling. Sometimes people do all they can and it just doesn't work out.

Marriage is scary, but the good thing is you are not going through it alone. 

Until next week,

 

Thought of the day

  

Change, like making mistakes, is unavoidable

Happy National Tell an Old Joke Day!

I couldn't resist this joke when I came across it. Knock Knock jokes are old but, like the saying goes, an "oldie but a goodie."

Hopefully that got you to laugh or smile even (I'll take what I can get). If not, well you are entitled to your reactions.

Most people will experience it at one point in their life or another; whether they accept or deny it that is completely up to them. This word is only six letters long, but yet it manages to impact your day, week, month, year, or even the rest of your life. 

Change

Change (verb): to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone (cited from dictionary.com).

When many people hear this word, we have the tendency to run or deny it. Why? Well, it's fairly simple. We like routine and predictability, or at least most of us do. And when something or someone comes and mixes that up, we don't know what to do.

I feel like it's a natural human reaction. Something comes up, and the instinctual reaction is to run. This is concreted in even more when out parents teach us that when someone we don't know comes up us, we are supposed to run. Or when we come across something or someone scary, we run to safety. 

And I'm not saying there is anything is wrong with that. 

The thing that people forget that change is sometimes a good thing or it could be a good thing. Most of the time, all it depends on is how you react to it.

Another thing that scares people about change? It's hard.

Simba is right. Change is not easy and shouldn't be. Why? We get stuck in our "day in and day out" kind of routine, and it is a known struggle to break a habit, especially if it is a habit we are addicted to. 

Here's a shocking fact, though: we change every day, and we don't even realize that we are doing it. You don't wear the same shirt, pants, and shoes everyday for obvious reasons. Your hair is slightly longer than it was the day before. You walk a little bit differently than you did before you remembered you forgot to shut the window on your car and it started to rain.

Sometimes it takes a little bit before we realize that change. For example, your significant other breaks up with you. For a while it hurts like nothing else you have ever felt, but (most of the time) you learn to work through it. In the end, you (most likely) end up getting over it. 

A word that is often associated with change is grow. With change, we are forced to grow. 

Graduating high school? You are forced to grow by making the decision what you want to do with your life. 

Marrying someone? You are forced to grow along side of your partner. 

Being diagnosed with an illness? You are forced to grow and adapt how you live.

A family member or close friend dying? You are forced to grow and figure out a way with how you are going to keep living without them.

You see, we are all changing all the time. You weren't the same person you were seven, seven months ago, or seven days ago. And why would you want to be? 

Change may be inevitable, and you may hate it, but remember how you hated taking naps when you were younger and now you would do anything for even an extra 15 minutes.

Sheldon has a point. Sometimes change is not a good thing, because sometimes we don't always change for the better. We make choices, and sometimes our choices end up biting us in the end. 

But the best thing about life? Most of the time we are given second chances to redeem our actions. Will it make up for the pain or hurt? Probably not, but we must realize that there is even more of an unlikelihood of us getting third chances.

So. However you feel about change, know this: it's going to happen and what matters is how you deal or adapt to it.

Until next Friday,

Thought of the day

 

Dating: why must it be so hard?

Happy Friday!

Congratulations! You made it through another work week! I recommend taking a break of some sort, especially with how hot it is outside. 

Though I do caution you if you are going outside in the heat. Make sure to put on plenty of sunblock (and re-apply it if you are out for a long period of time) and stay hydrated!  

Today's post is sort of similar to last week's post. If you can recall, my last post was about that we, as a society, needs to slow down from this fast-paced lifestyle we are living.  

Today's post is about how we should bring back some of the old-fashioned style of dating. Society's version of dating is seriously warped in comparison to generations before us. 

Asking the pretty girl or guy for their cell phone number in person and actually talking on the phone or in-person instead of just texting all the time. 

• Texting is a great way keep in contact with people, but, to me, texting is also an impersonal way of communicating. The truth for only texting? Most of us are afraid to talk to each other, and texting (and other ways of hiding behind a screen of some sort) has become a crutch for us. And it's not just phones this applies to; it also applies to computers, PDAs, iPods, and other forms that allow for this type of communication. 

• Do not misunderstand me. Technology is awesome at times, but I feel like we have become too reliant on it, at least when it comes to staying in touch with people. (And I realize I may sound like a hypocrite since this is online.) Now only texting someone because we are afraid of talking to each other is just one explanation or opinion. 

Actually asking the father's permission (more out of a sign of respect to the father) to marry your significant other.

• The hopeless romantic in me is sighing right now. This one is one I can't say for certainty that people don't already do. Depending on the father's answer, it shouldn't dictate that you can't marry that person. As I mentioned before, this one is more a sign of respect to the father. It's recognizing the respect that yes, you (the father-biological or not) have raised her to be the woman you love today and now you want to want to spend the rest of your life with her, trying be the man she wants to be with.

When the date night arrives, dress nicely and come to the door. Many people, (probably) mostly college students, just text their date "meet me at blah around this time." Maybe both parties just dress how they would any other day.

• There is something magical and exciting about being picked up for a date. What usually makes it even more exciting is actually spending more time getting ready for a date. I remember hearing stories when I was younger that girlfriends would come over and help the girl get ready for her date. Because hello, deciding what to wear is stressful for both parties.

Making it clear you and another person are dating or going steady. 

•  These days dating can be confusing because of the different "stages." There is "just talking" and so on. By guy or girl asking to be their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other, it clears a lot of confusion up. This way you both are on the same page. Again there is something about being asked that feels sweet instead just assuming that the two of you are dating. I know back in the day that sometimes the guy would give/offer his class ring as a sign of going steady. While that might seem outdated, it isn't. Maybe we can find a way to update this tradition. 

These are just a few of habits that have been forgotten or passed over. Dating these days seems more complicated and confusing. For some that is a turn off and might make them think that dating isn't worth it. By bringing back some old-fashioned dating habits, it might just clear up some of the confusion or it might not. Either way, old-fashioned style of dating would ideally bring back some romance in being swept off your feet.

Romance isn't dead. It just needs a little reviving. 

Until next week, 

Thought of the day

 

 

 

Tortoise vs. Hare: who is the real winner in the end?

Happy Friday, dear readers!

Well, you made it through another work week. Treat yourself to whatever and however you feel is right.

Me? I treat myself to watching Criminal Minds (my latest obsession) and some time to myself. 

There is something that has been on my mind since I wrote a paper on in my college writing class I took in high school. I'm actually surprised with myself that it stuck with me all this time. As I write this post, I cannot, for the live of me, remember how I got this topic. What I do remember is struggling with the introduction. Any writer or teacher or college professor will recommend leaving the intro for last because people can get easily stuck on how to preface what they want to write about. (Personally, I agree; although, I'm process-orientated so I always go in order.)

Then I remembered an old fable. The Tortoise and the Hare. Inspiration had hit, and I was off and running with my paper. Aesop's fable is one that is commonly heard during our childhood. And as many people are aware of, fables are stories designed to give some sort of lesson or moral. Although the true lesson of The Tortoise and the Hare has been debated, it means (to me) that sometimes slow and steady does win the race. 

What my paper was about and what has been on my mind lately is the fact we live fast-paced lives--sometimes too fast. 

We are becoming the Hare. We seem to be needing to keep going and going as we live our lives in the fast lane. But my question for those people is: what are you working towards and will it really matter in the end? More importantly, will it be worth it?

We often get so caught up in the day-to-day drama that happens in lives. Or our minds get stuck in the past or the future. What we miss out on are the simpler things in life-the little simple pleasures. 

Often what stops us in our tracks are huge events. Sometimes the events are tragic or devastating: going to the doctor for a routine check-up and finding out about advanced cancer or another terrible illness or the death of a loved one. 

Or sometimes the events are beautiful and full of joy: becoming parents (or witnessing a baby being brought into this world) or getting married. 

It is then we realize that we were living without really living. We need to stop worrying so much and just live in the moment more. 

You might be thinking: it's not as easy as that sounds. And you would be right. It isn't. But like any commitment requires it takes dedication. 

If you get anything out this post, make it this: find those simple pleasures and embrace them more. More often than not, it will those moments you'll remember most.

Until next time...

Thought of the day

 

Happy birthday, America!

Happpy Early Friday!

Which means....

What makes this weekend special is (for Americans) that it is 4th of July weekend!! The celebration of our great country. 

The good U.S. of A will celebrate her 239th birthday this Saturday. While in comparison of other countries who have been around for many dynasties, our country is still a baby. (At least now I don't feel so old.) In the past 238 years, there have been many ups and downs, great accomplishments and terrible struggles, but, while we still have issues that we need to work on, this is a time to celebrate our country for all we are.

Over the 19 and a half years of my life, I heard many versions of the same phrase or verse. "If you are always looking for or focusing on your faults or failures, how will you know to appreciate the accomplishments you have made?" And while this was meant to inspire me to look and appreciate all that I accomplished and succeed, it also can apply to our great nation.

A professor I had in my first year of college who taught me that many people tend to focus on our weaknesses and faults instead of realizing our strengths and how those strengths could be used to help. (That's a shout out to you, Roxanne!) I believe this applies to our country. Many people (Americans and foreign people alike) tend to focus what is wrong with our country and why we are not as great as we are.

It is for that reason I am dedicating this post to our Founding Fathers who put this country on the right path to all we have achieved.

These achievements are a reminder of much our country has accomplished. 

We have put man on the moon in 1969. "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind." -Neil Armstrong

The Panama Canal in 1914. And we turned the canal over to Panama on the last day of 1999.

Americans, first by US Government, were responsible for coming up with the concept of the Internet in the 1960's.

Another accomplishment that is credited to the USA is the cell phone by the Motorola company in 1973.

Americans were the first to mass produce a car, specifically the Model T Ford, that normal, everyday people could afford. They sold for as low as $260 and around 15 million were sold.  

We freed the slaves from being property and segregation and giving them the rights as citizens of the United States. Started by Abraham Lincoln during his term as president and continued through the 1960's.

Most recent accomplishment for the United States is legalizing gay marriage.

And those are just a few of the many accomplishments the United States has made. 

Many immigrants come to the US for the many freedoms provided in the Constitution. And those freedoms are protected by the US Military and others. And for that I thank you all who put their lives on the line so I can live.

I'm proud to call myself a US citizen, but that doesn't mean I don't know the faults and failures and the weaknesses of this great country. I just chose not to focus on it.

Thanks for reading!

And until next time.... 

Thought of the day